How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
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Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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