Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
