he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
