Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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