no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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