3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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