dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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