youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
