drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
