Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
