Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
