We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
