i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
