I could have mohawked her pubes.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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