Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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