Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize