So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
