I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she peed on how many people?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
