oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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