Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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