If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
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there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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