my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
