he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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