I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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