Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
