Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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