life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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