she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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