So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
