I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
