he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
These tits shall not be calmed
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
