awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize