i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
