Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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