today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
