My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
