I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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