I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
