someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
