I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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