She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
