my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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