pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
