I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
