U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
