I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
