I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
