I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
