I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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