I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
