never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
