you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
