I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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