Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
