u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
