my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
