Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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