I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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