fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She needs sedatives and a leash
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
