It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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