Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
