Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
