Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
