life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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