he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
