just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
