I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My ass is underappreciated
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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