Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Randomize
