Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
