Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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