Porn is love you can see.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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