Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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