so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
