Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
