Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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