woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
