I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
